The Big Come Down
by Felix McKraken
Summary: Vegeta and his problem: himself.


**the big come down**  
Vegeta no Ouji = the prince Vegeta (thank you chibivegeta for this info, I know German much better than Japanese *LMAO*)  
  
_ there is a game i play  
try to make myself okay  
try so hard to make the pieces all fit  
smash it apart  
just for the fuck of it  
_   
Upside down. Right side up. To the side, I spin.  
All the blood in my body can't decide where it's going, the fluids in my head unbalance themselves as I spin faster.  
I feel dizzy, light-headed, out of it. Gone.  
The gravity is intense upon me, weighing nothing, but causing me to strive with all my strength not to allow it to overcome me and slam me into the cold, hard ground.  
I try so hard. I try so hard. Why do I have to lose? Why do I have to lose?  
Why do I have to lose at my own game?  
Forget this, all of this. I cannot concentrate on this stupid planet.  
I need beautiful release. I need something.  
I need to let go.  
But I can't even control me.  
No longer. No longer...  
  
_ bye bye oooh  
got to get back to the bottom  
bye bye oooh  
the big come down isn't that what you wanted?  
bye bye oooh  
find a place with the failed and forgotten  
bye bye oooh  
isn't that really what you wanted now?  
_   
I'm all alone. No one can touch me here.  
Nothing is what it seems. My mind plays tricks on me. I play tricks on myself, with my games.  
Little mind games.  
I'll never be like them. I could never be.  
I have so much self-control.  
But I could let go, forfeit it all. Live a life of mediocrity. Live a life of..less than mediocrity.  
I will never be happy. Never. No matter what I do.  
I want to be alone. All alone. Left alone. Forever.  
But I'll drag myself back. Because fate works like that.  
A fucking plague, a forsaken curse..my insanity. My sanity.  
You want me to let go? I cannot. I don't have control over myself.  
This evil is mine, and this evil controls me.  
This evil knows nothing of family, nor friends.  
This enveloping, horribly dark, tainting, blackness which has filled in my heart-shaped niche will never let me go.  
  
_ there is no place i can go there is no way i can hide  
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside  
_   
How can you escape from yourself? Your past?  
Punch my face in. I live for the battle.  
Live for the sharp sting of factures, laceration, for the pain, the agony.  
The ecstacy.  
Bash my head in. Go ahead. I'll laugh.  
But on the outside, I'll show my anger, my rage, my humilation, my damaged pride.  
You could never hurt me. Because I'm not even the one you interact with. I have a shell, another me.  
I interact. The evil, the darkness, the loss of innocence, and me. They are what make this prince.  
This person, this poor pathetic, stupid fucking person. This stupid little shit named Vegeta.  
I'll never escape. I'll never be free.  
There's no way anyone can understand all of this.  
Not even me.  
I have no name.  
  
_ there is a hate that burns within  
the most desperate place i have ever been  
try to get back to where i'm from  
the closer i get the worse it becomes  
the closer i get the worse it becomes  
_   
There was a time when I was happy.  
I did enjoy...life.  
There is no life for me.  
There is this existence. And death.  
Nothing can repair the damage done to me. I bear no physical mark, but the permanent scars are the ones on my mind, and soul. I can never be pure. I try too hard with this game.  
I strive for this beautiful completion.  
This beautiful release.  
I let everything go. Everything.  
And I feel my goal granted as soon as I lose faith.  
I stopped caring, stopped striving, and it was given to me.  
So simply.  
I'm one stop closer, but I'm worse off.  
My rage, my desperation, my obsession returns twice as strong if not more than that.  
And I will comply with the wishes of myself.  
These uncontrollable addications.  
These disorders.  
This pain.  
This.  
  
_ there is no place i can go there is no place i can hide  
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside  
_   
And I'll go back, now.  
I have to.  
It's calling me.  
Wanting beautiful release.  
I want to smear blood over my hands.  
I want to hear the satisfying snap of every bone.  
I want to feel again.  
Can't I stop being this goddamned freak of nature?  
Can't I start being Vegeta no Ouji?  
Don't make me laugh.  
I could never be myself.  
Because I'll never leave me alone. 


End file.
